Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
