I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
