Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
