i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
