Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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