you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
