TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
