How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
