Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
