So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
