I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
