If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
