theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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