did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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