He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize