I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
