You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
