Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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