so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
