It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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