I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
