You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Vodka?
Forever.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
