Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
