Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
