My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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