One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
God, you're like boner-b-gone
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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