she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
