yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
