He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
