youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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