somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
