If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think I am morally bankrupt
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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