Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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