: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
