Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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