Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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