I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
