Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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