Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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