When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
