my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
