I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
