I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I supernannyed him into submission
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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