I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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