We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
