I think I died a long time ago.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
