she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
