the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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