I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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