I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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