He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
