Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
