This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
