Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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