so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
