I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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