There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
