I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
