Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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