i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
