She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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