I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
