I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
