I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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