just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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