He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
40s are totally the cure
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
